Winston Churchill once asked: “Do you have enemies?” “Good. It means you’ve stood up for something in your life.” If everyone likes you all of the time, yet you feel miserable then odds are you are a people pleaser. I can’t say that I have this problem per se…
People pleasers are popular because they please everyone, in fact, they put themselves directly behind other’s and their needs – even if they don’t like that person – in order to gain validation/acceptance. Most of us are guilty of doing this for at least a period or two of our lives. I know that I am guilty of chasing validation.
The attachment to wanting to please others is almost always self rooted. Getting that acknowledged leaves wide room to explore what can be done about it. For me, over the course of the past 18 months I can honestly say that I really no longer care who likes me and who doesn’t. There are some people that will cause me frustration however, mostly extended family members whom I don’t believe that I’ve done any thing to…except to call out their abusive behavior in an honest way. The frustration lies in the fact that I can’t understand why they refuse to examine their relationship to the complexity – for if they did, they would see that the complexity is due to their behavior. Instead what is happening is that they then use the fact that I called out behavior to be mad at me. I digress however, because someone else’s actions are not within my control.
So how do you let go of the need to want to please everyone? Or the need to have everyone like and agree with you? You start slowly by redirecting that desire internally. Instead of trying to please family, seek to please yourself. The eventual self love vibe being omitted from you is what attracts healthy, emotionally supportive, and balanced people into your experience since like will always attract like.
When it comes to bosses, co-workers, strangers on the street…the same rule as the above applies. I have found that the more that I grow, stretch my comfort zone and expand as a human, the more that I’m met with acceptance, appreciation, and lovely opportunities to be my authentic self.
This journey of life is amazing and I sometimes forget that when I get very tired or can’t yet see any of the results from my discipline and dedication. Usually those are the times where I ran myself in circles with procrastination because I had something creative in my that I wanted to let out – but I also had fear. If you see yourself in that pattern at all, just know that this is completely workable. Just simply know that the absolute only human being that you actually need to please is yourself. You do this by becoming your authentic self and finding your purpose here in this life. And by the way, that’s a lifetime journey so don’t look for an end zone…I already did that…there isn’t one. If you’re uncomfortable at all, then you’re ready to change. So ask yourself…”what will please me in this lifetime?” Then take steps daily to do that.